I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. Here I am in a new country, again. Where I know nobody, again. No job lined up, again! Why do I keep doing this to myself? In the 7 weeks since I was in this position last I seem to have forgotten how lost it makes me feel. I am already idealising my time in Cambridge, suddenly the students were all little angels, the weather was perfect, the work was easy and my workmates and I were all BFFs.
So who has tips for Edinburgh? I am sitting in my hostel, drinking a beer and feeling sorry for myself. I’ve only been here a day but I’m stressed about the lack of a job. I’m just going to pretend that I am not myself, I am someone else, and I am giving advice to this someone else. I’d say ‘stop your complaining and do something to help yourself, put down the crisps and the half pint of Stella and photocopy your CV'. I used to be the Queen of Plans. Making plans are easy it seems, but sticking to them once you realise things aren’t how you expected them to be is more difficult. I mean, what the hell happened to Spain? I’m justifying it to myself by saying I’ll take Spanish classes here in Edinburgh, but it’s not really the same thing now, is it?
I walked to Arthur's seat today. I love that place. I wrote my name on a rock, just a random rock at the top of a hill thing I climed up (in my thongs). I feel guilty about writing on a rock now.
Why am I listening to the Killers? I don't even like them. Now would be the time for a sign….waiting for a sign….
Photo: Oezguer Albayrak