Same old songs

Well, I'm back in Australia but only for half of the year as I have decided to go back to Europe.

The decision has been very difficult but the job market here in Melbourne has ended up making it for me. There are just no High School jobs for me, I have applied and applied and applied to no avail. So, I'm hightailing it back to Europe. I have a job here in the meantime, teaching ESL to adults, and a summer position waiting for me in the UK. It's just a matter of teaching and saving (and surviving living with my parents) until June. I'm all over the place, literally.

I would be very surprised to discover this blog still has readers - but I just can't seem to abandon it for good.

Letters that you never meant to send, get lost or thrown away

Photo: Anna Rosa Krau

I am pretty damn pleased with myself right now. I have decided what to do. You’re not going to like it, blog readers. I’m heading back to Melbourne. There, I said it. Now I will start defending it. I have decided that I really want to do further study, Honours or Masters. I miss University, I miss Classics, History…getting really excited about the prefect wording of a hypothesis. I want to try my hand at academia, and eventually work for a uni. It’s not like I’m ditching Europe, if this works out I would have a career that would allow me to work in lots of different countries. I feel like I had to come here, to experience everything I have so far, to realise what I want for myself. That said, I’m not hopping on the next plane, I won’t be returning until the end of the year. First I want to finish my contract in Spain, teach in England for a couple of months over the Summer and then go on an epic two month travel adventure – well I hope it will be epic, it needs to smother my European wanderlust for a few years.

If you’d told me a year ago that I’d write this blog entry, after only a year in Spain, I would have said you were crazy. I always dream so BIG, but in reality the future is lots of little steps, not one grand idea.

Soft spoken with a broken jaw, step outside but not to brawl.

Photo: Fergus Padel

Last Australian Post. This is it, it is here, oh my god ohmygodohmygod. Breathe breathe; spaz out. I have a couple of days now to pack and spend time with my family and then I'm off, into the world. So the deal is that I have a one way ticket and 4 thousand dollars; Australian dollars, not Euros. The vague plan is to learn how to be an English teacher, work a couple of summer jobs and then hopefully settle down with some permanent hours of work in Madrid until at least June of next year. After that who knows, maybe I will stay in Spain, maybe I will skip over to France or Italy. The future is completely open right now.

Let me tell you something about myself..on my blog, who would have thought? I used to work in a nursing home. These folk were beyond regular interaction, they would lie in bed all day, be fed lamb which had taken a spin through the food processor, and have their adult nappies changed by my 19 year old hands. I wasn't a stranger to care work, having spent a very hard six months in the UK looking after disabled adults and children, but the nursing home broke my heart. These people had been lucky. Nobody had shot them, they hadn't fallen victim to disease, they hadn't been killed in an accident; they had lived to old age, something most of us aspire towards. In this home there was no dignity in old age. Very few of them could speak, most had dementia to the point of not recognising even the function of a spoon. Have I mentioned it broke my heart? There was a point to this; I haven't just decided to depress you all with my last post in Aus. The residents would die fairly often, usually in winter and usually in threes. There was a lady there who had long golden hair, maybe it was really white and had somehow taken on a yellow tinge from old age..like..teeth, but it was her pride and joy. Some days she'd ask me to plait it for her and other days she would snarl at me if I went anywhere near it. She died at the beginning of a shift, they came and collected her body and took her away, I was handed a garbage bag and told to put all of her personal items in it. They didn't even fill the whole bag. It broke my heart.

I quit my job there, but it is the reason I am going to Spain, with such little money and big dreams. If I'm lucky I might live into old age; I might have to lie on those beds and stare at the ceiling all day and overhear the care workers talk total crap. At least if I do, I will have my memories to live back through, I'll have 'that one time in Spain' or 'the perfect moment in Italy' maybe even 'when I was robbed in England' or even 'when that drunk dude flipped a hair-tie at Flower on the metro in Paris'. I want my life to be so full that I can live it over again in my memories. I hope I can hang onto them. I guess the point is that walking past that home every day reminds me to live my life, but let’s not get corny.

I feel like I have cheated you of a patriotic final Australia post. Right now I am deleting all of my favourites from my parents' computer. Oh wow. Oh wow. Thank you for reading my blog and actually being interested in my ranting, or atleast the pictures I post. Next post from...

This place is old, if feels just like a beat up truck, I turn the engine but the engine doesn't turn

Photos: Claudia Scholtan

Despite not actually leaving the country yet, I have discovered that moving overseas indefinitely really trims the fat, friendship-wise. That's not to say I have been running around Melbourne telling people they're not worth my intercontinental ..contact (although I do have this list of people in my head). It means the opposite actually; I have had a fantastic time with a number of people, and now realise I am going to stay in touch with them for a very long time. I am bordering on sentimental, that makes me feel a little jittery; make it stop, make it stop. I know, I'll go delete people on social networking sites, that's always fun.

I should be able to post once more before I go. The last Australian post, I'll try to make it patriotic.

Just wondering if any of you have been to Spain? Are from Spain? Have ever changed the Cypress Hill lyrics to 'Spain in the membrane, inSpain in the brain, crazy insane, got no Spain' ....just me then?

"There must be some kind of way out of here" said the joker to the thief

Adventures ahoy!


Photo: Peter Guenzel

They say there is no place for little monkey in this town

They go, 'Why'd you have to get so hysterical?' 'Why'd you have to get, so fucking useless'

Photo: Anna Rosa Krau

I have been a bad little blogger recently; pre-occupation and lack of inspiration have lead to a lack of posts. About two and a half weeks until I go, the reality of leaving my friends and family indefinitely is starting to hit. Of course I'm still positive about leaving, it's time for adventures, but I have come to the realisation that once I get on that plane, my life in Melbourne is kind of...dead. I can come back, but it will never be the same. Okay, let's not get too philosophical at 10am on a Thursday.

I have officially finished work; today is my first day off, and I am thinking that I can't wait to work with kids again overseas. The next two weeks are going to be very enjoyable I suspect, frolicking in the city with friends and trying to spend peaceful time with the parentals. Today Flower is coming over to rid my closet of all the clothes and jewellery I can't take to Spain with me. Now I need to walk the dog to the optometrist to pick up the truckload of contact lenses I foolishly ordered, my whole case is going to be full of contacts.

I don't want to dissect everything today. I don't mean to pick you apart you see, but I can't help it.

Photo: Peter Guenzel

So here is the thing; I live in my dream world. Sometimes I get a bit lost and end up in Real World by mistake, it doesn't take me long to realise I am there; everything there seems so volatile and angry. So I go scampering off back to Dream World, but still, I'm slightly scarred from Real World and no longer fit properly in Dream World. Oh my god. What the hell am I talking about? Blame the fact that it's 7am and I am pumping myself full of caffeine for the work day ahead. But really...I don't want to be kicked out of Dream World, just yet!

..and you were there, and you were there, and you were there too! Where's toto? *manic laughter* coughcough.

ps. 25 days to go!

Just get out my face, leave me alone; no you can't have my number, cos I lost my phone.

Dear public transport nose-pickers,

If it is absolutely necessary for you to pick snot out of your nose on the trip home from work, please refrain from:

1. Rolling it around between your fingers.
2. Flicking it.
3. Wiping it on the seat next to you.

... and no, moron, that doesn’t mean you should eat it!

You're so cute when you're slurring your speech, but they're closing the bar and they want us to leave

Really important things I have done today:

1. Dyed my hair black.
2. Stocked up on contact lenses and Lucas' papaw ointment for Spain.
3. Walked the dog along the beach.
4. Laughed at tales of my friend's silly ex.
5. Watched a couple of Skins episodes from the good ole days.
6. Cleaned my bathroom, which looked as if I had murdered someone with black blood in it.
7. Oreos. Devoured.
8. Deleted all my music and photos from my parents' computer.
9. Sworn at photobucket in an extremely unladylike fashion.
10. Oreos...

....someone wave their magic motivation stick at me please. In a totally non-sus way.

I find it somewhat funny and silly that there is a style of dress called a 'bandage dress'. Baby that bandage (dress) brings out your assets. Oh, Doctor Love, wrap me up in that tight bandage (dress). Someone stop the sexiness; why don't they cut the crap and call it a 'bondage dress'? I think boredom has warped my brain.

Photo: Timothy Barnes

It hurts when it comes to your attention, you're inlove with the girl

One month to go. I am officially sick and tired of organising things, and over-analysing. I hate it when people say to an over-analysing person 'stop over-analysing things'; is that even possible?The other night I had a dream that Agyness Deyn saved my family and me from a bushfire with her boat. The end.

Photo: Jo Jankowski

I want to. I want to be someone else, so I'll explode.

Hi guys, I'm on the lookout for new blogs to read so if you have any suggestions let me know. Also, if anyone is interested in exchanging links leave a comment or send me an email :)

Photo: Ana Rosa Krau

Today at work I spent an unprofessional amount of time teaching the three year olds to say 'Party on Wayne, Party on Garth' to each other. I found it more entertaining than someone with a university degree should probably admit. Oh whatever, maturity doesn't come with degrees. Sometimes when I finish work, after having to be the mature one all day, I just want to throw a tanty, stamp my foot and scream 'NO!'

Lunchtime.
Child: More!!
Te: Sorry, I'm not going to respond to being asked like that.
Child: I want more, TE!
Te: 'I want more cheese, Te'....what?
Child: ....
Te: Plea...
Child: PLEASE! MORE CHEESE PLEASE. PLEASE MORE CHEESE!
Te: Certainly...

Same child a bit later..
Te: Don't tap me there, it hurts
Child: (attempts to pull my top down from the neck) let me see..boobies!
Te: No, no boobie sighting for you
Child: ..........please?

I'm so tired, of playing; playing with this bow and arrow

I've tried five different sentences to begin this post; I have deleted each one. Today I walked into the city and met A-strizzle for breakfast. It was super, even if my feet are rather sore. I don't feel like sharing many words today, but here are some photos of the walk and breakfast...

Photos: By me.

Having troubles telling how I feel, but I can dance dance dance

Today my Mother and I drove to a suburb North East of Melbourne called Eltham, we were there to check out a place called Montsalvat. It was founded in the 1930's and artists used to live and work on site; there are still private workshops there where artists practice and display their various crafts. Meh, enough of me! The website explains the place far more eloquently.

I suppose my Mother, being a Fine Arts student, wanted to give me an artistic cultural experience, but from the moment we arrived I was far more interested in the awesome old buildings- it's seriously old school. I could almost believe I was in Europe. Obviously other people think this way too because one of the buildings was used in the film Queen of the Damned, set in Glastonbury, England. I didn't realise this when I arrived though, so when I walked through a stone archway and found myself standing right where a scene from the movie was filmed I went into freak out mode. Oh my god, have I been here before? Why is it so familiar? Have I been here in a past life? I seem to remember something about Vampires...was I a vampire in my last life? Was I in a Vampire Movie? ...movies...vampires...Queen of the Damned! Ohhh, duh!

It was a really nice day and great to spend some quality time with my Mother before I leave. I took a few photos...okay, I took ninety. It was such a lovely sunny day, so I suppose you don't really get that 'vampire movie' feel.

That's a peacock...or the female version of a peacock...a peahen?

Photos: By me.

Fitting you with weapons in the form of words

Oh great. Want to look like you have gray hair? You simply need to accidently spray your hairline with 'airbrush' foundation.

The other night we had a date, and you showed up two hours late; although you hair was all in place, someone had smeared their lipstick on your face

Sometimes I wish you didn't read my blog, so that I could write about you. I could write about you anyway, but it would be too obvious. Fail.

Photo: Yelena Yemchuk

...and now you're probably wondering if this post is about you. That amuses me. Always at your expense.

Then I'll use that voice you find annoyin', and say something like "Yeah, intelligent input darlin', why don't you just have another beer then"

Oh how I wish it were pouring with rain outside, so I wouldn't feel so guilty for sitting around at home doing nothing today. Perhaps if I was religious I wouldn't be so bored. I could...go to confession, or whatever religious people do today. Eat fish? Bash themselves with bamboo? Someone enlighten me.

It's no secret that I love winter. All the gorgeous clothing- boots, jackets, scarves. I'm pretty much going to have two summers in a row this year, the Australian and then the Spanish. Yes, I know, poor poor me, eh? The Aussie summer has come to an end now, the days are slightly cooler and it's darker earlier. With the exception of those horrible and tragic few weeks of completely surreal heat, I have had a lovely Melbournian Summer; running riot in this gorgeous city of mine. So I thought I'd share some of my favourite summer Melbourne pastimes...

Wandering the city streets

Treasure and oh so much trash, at Camberwell Market

LL&B at the Rooftop Bar

Iced coffee at Greenhouse

Cupcakes on Degraves

Browsing Lost and Found

The Belgian Beer Garden

All photos by me.

Do I stress you out? My sweater is on backwards and inside out, and you say how appropriate

Photo: Yelena Yekchuk


Last night I spent a while chatting to my dad on Skype. He was on the family computer in the hallway and I was on King Arthur (my laptop) in my bedroom. All sorted for international communications. Go technology.

The fantastic Hammie tagged me to do a Q &A. Thank you :) So let's talk about me some, shall we?

Here are the guidelines:
1. Respond and rework. Answer the questions on your blog, replace one question you dislike with a question of your own invention; add a question of your own.
2. Tag eight other un-tagged people.

What is your current obsession? Planning trips around Europe and my first couple of months in Spain. Google maps is my friend.

Good fika place (That would be coffee to us non-Swedes)? I go to so many cafes and none of them really stand out for coffee quality. I usually go for the atmosphere( coughhotwaiterscough) and then fill my bitter coffee with sugar.

Do you nap a lot? No, I hate having to get up again.

Who was the last person you hugged? My mum. Then it somehow turned into a fight and my favourite earring broke.

What’s for dinner?
Te: Mum, what's for dinner?
Mum: Whatdoya think?
Te: I don't know that's why I'm asking
Mum: Well you saw what was on the bench!
Te: A pumpkin?
Mum: Merlot served with mash potatos.
Te: Oh, I give up.

What was the last thing you bought? About ten pairs of new underwear. Hello Spain.

What are you listening to right now? The microwave hum, I guess mum is heating up that merlot.

What is your favourite weather? Clear sunny sky and a cool breeze.

What’s on your bedside table? Right this moment? Lipgloss, two bottles of water, panadol, tissues, nail polish remover and a couple of stray bobby pins. Do you feel like you know me now?

Say something to the person/s who tagged you. Hammie you are an inspiration as a mother and a blogger. I think you are superb.

If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be? Oh, this is one of the most difficult questions you could ask me, along with 'which of your friends would you kill for food if stranded on an island'. I guess I'd have to say Edinburgh..or Paris..no Edinburgh...Paris..Edin..

Favourite vacation spot? I'm not sure I have a favourite 'vacation spot' I've never been on 'vaction' to the same place more than once. But as you can tell from above I really like Paris and Edinburgh. I guess my ideal vacation spot would be somewhere not too hot and with lots of little cobblestone streets to get lost down. There would be no american tourists..or obonxious Australians for that matter; none of the locals would be rude to me when I attempted to buy tampons in their language; there might be some mountains..perhaps an old ruin or two for me to climb up to; maybe some tall, dark and handsome men who know how to use swords, make sushi and excellent coffee...shall I stop now?

What would you like to get rid of? The necessity for money...? My birthmark maybe..

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go? Into the future perhaps..

What did you want to become as a child? My answer is almost exactly the same as Hammie's: A Vet then an Actress. Although, I changed my mind about the Vet thing after watching Animal Hospital and I realised that Vets have to put animals down. The actress thing just died a slow death due to High School drama classes.

What do you miss? If you were asking me this question in two months time I'd probably have lots to say. I suppose I miss the carefree feeling of being a child, when I trusted everyone and would try anything.

What are you reading right now? Cringe. Spanish guide books. Oh, and lots and lots of blogs.

What's your favourite brand of jeans? Don't have a favourite brand. Not even sure I could name the brand of the jeans I'm wearing. I found a hole in the crotch of them today, shattered.

If you could go back in time and talk to your 17 year old self, what would you say?
Oh, this is another hard one. I'd have so much to say to my 13 year old self, but by 17..well there's nothing much that I would change. Maybe I'd tell myself not to kiss that Australian guy in Paris. Ew.

My Question: Which one of your friends would you kill if....just kidding..
What/who do you think you were in a past life? Mentally insane. :)

Since I recently did some tagging, and I'm not sure that I have eight new people to tag, I'm going to throw this out to every person on my blog links. Please send me a link to the post if you do fill it out, I'd love to read about you all.

Melbourne related posts to come, just waiting for a good mood to strike.

If I don't say this now I will surely break; as I'm leaving the one I want to take

Sometimes I really annoy myself by being so stubborn and proud. Sometimes everyone else annoys me because I am so stubborn and proud. That's all I have for today.

Photo: Peter Guenzel

She had problems with drinking milk and being school tardy

Oh, I feel so sorry for myself. I'm getting sick and feeling low. Kings of Leon are the soundtrack to my sulkage. You'd think that a good cure for a bad mood would be listening to cheerful music, and yet I like to cultivate the misery by wallowing in music that makes me cry. Like..Hometown Glory by Adele, or With or Without you by U2..Look after you by the Fray... anything that Damien Rice sings..even Wild Horses by the Rolling Stones if I'm feeling particularly mopey. Is mopey a word? I feel another playlist coming on..suggestions? Do you guys have any songs/artists you listen to when you're feeling sorry for yourself?

Let's just look at some blurry Melbourne, shall we?



Photos: By me.