Sunday, January 24, 2010

See that woman, dressed in red, smile at the man when you wake up in his bed.

I hate not knowing what I want to do with my life. No, I hate knowing what I want to do and struggling to think of ways to fund it. I am addicted to adventure now, addicted to having excitement in my life - constantly. I'd like a 'career', something I don't get bored of, but I'm just not good at anything - there is no obvious choice. Teaching English could be a career, but I'm so unsettled that I'd want to move countries at every turn.

My flatmate/work mate is quite content here, content to stay here for a couple more years, I was itching to go after six weeks. Don't get me wrong, I like my job, (most of) my students, my general lifestyle, but it's just, comfortable. Comfortable doesn't seem to satisfy me.

I am so contrary. When I'm out of my comfort zone I seek out things to calm me down, places I know, things I understand. It's some sort of balance between pleasure and pain. I don't like to be bored, so I make myself suffer to be amused. Blah blah, let's not get deep. What is the point of adventures? At the time you're not conscious that they're adventures, it's the person they make you, the person who reflects upon them later.

I could have written this post in seven words : What the hell am I looking for?

We are going to play badminton on the roof now.


Photo: Andreas Burz

3 comments:

  1. rebeccaJanuary 24, 2010 at 6:00 AM

    i also hate speaking a language i dont know well. its just so embarrasing if you say something wrong! x

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  2. The Snarky NarwhalJanuary 24, 2010 at 10:57 AM

    oooh I think it would be cool to travel and then write about it, whether its online or on paper.

    I don't think I would go to a country i didn't at least know the basics of their language. Unless a really great opportunity presented it's self that I couldn't turn down!

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  3. LaJanuary 24, 2010 at 9:30 PM

    I happened to stumble on your blog last week, and I must say this pretty much sums up the last couple of months I spent abroad in Spain and Italy. I thought I knew what I wanted but really I find, maybe being in Europe, being able to be in another country in a few hours, the excitment of not knowing what you will find and who you will meet - the adventure of it all especially when travelling alone is addicting. Yes definitely pleasure and pain especially when you find yourself, in the middle of nowhere, don't speak the language, alone in a hotel room and you just wish you could walk to a local starbucks - small problem, you're on an island in the middle of the mediterannean.
    What I'm trying to say is ... travel & adventure is fun, addicting, educational and sometimes painful, but I think going & exploring is the only way you'll ever be able to figure out what it is you do/don't actually want in/of life.

    ps. I adored spain. top 3 places I'd love to move to.

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