I hate not knowing what I want to do with my life. No, I hate knowing what I want to do and struggling to think of ways to fund it. I am addicted to adventure now, addicted to having excitement in my life - constantly. I'd like a 'career', something I don't get bored of, but I'm just not good at anything - there is no obvious choice. Teaching English could be a career, but I'm so unsettled that I'd want to move countries at every turn.
My flatmate/work mate is quite content here, content to stay here for a couple more years, I was itching to go after six weeks. Don't get me wrong, I like my job, (most of) my students, my general lifestyle, but it's just, comfortable. Comfortable doesn't seem to satisfy me.
I am so contrary. When I'm out of my comfort zone I seek out things to calm me down, places I know, things I understand. It's some sort of balance between pleasure and pain. I don't like to be bored, so I make myself suffer to be amused. Blah blah, let's not get deep. What is the point of adventures? At the time you're not conscious that they're adventures, it's the person they make you, the person who reflects upon them later.
I could have written this post in seven words : What the hell am I looking for?
We are going to play badminton on the roof now.
Photo: Andreas Burz