They're breaking both my hands, they're telling me to take it like a man. Well, fuck that!

Yes it's me, again. I am happy. I am in Edinburgh. I need to pee but don't want to leave my laptop. I changed my flight, no longer going to Asturias, still going to Spain though.


On a personal note, as personal as it will get on here: boys are fucking annoying.
I am working on the whole 'indifferent' attitude. Do you guys think that in every relationship one person is more powerful than the other? Any kind of relationship: family, friends, lovers...one person always has the upper hand and the other person either doesn't realise this, or has just accepted it. Just a thought from someone who is always aware when she doesn't have the upper hand and indifferent when she does.


I saw a traditional Scottish folk music group last night with some girls from the hostel, it was very small and intimate and we were the youngest there; during the chorus the men in the crowd would start singing along, and everyone was tapping to the beat of the jigs. Perfection.


Alright, I am starving and am going to venture out of the hostel to find some food. It's my last day in Edinburgh, I might go to Arthur's Seat one last time.


Oh, and to those of you who asked for postcards...they're on the way!

On top of Arthur's seat.

You know you would always run from here

So the lost wandering continues. Next week I am flying to Northern Spain. I will be sad to leave Edinburgh, but I miss the busy Spanish streets at night, and I don’t fancy the idea of a Scottish winter. So my plan is…wait for it…. fly to Spain. Yes, that’s where the plan ends. Does anyone have any suggestions of what to see and do in Northern Spain? I definitely want to visit Galicia.

I didn’t even notice that there’s a guy in a straw hat, playing guitar in the kitchen where I’m writing this. I’m starting to like hostel living, it’s nice when you stay in one place for more than 3 days and you’re not in a room with a group of drunken Australians.

A few of the people I worked with in Cambridge have come to Edinburgh while I’ve been here and it has been great to have some company. Someone to take photos of me not acting my age. How does a 22-year-old act anyway? I’m sure it’s okay for them to climb rocks and do cartwheels on nice looking grass.

I slept past the free breakfast today, so I’m eating mints to abate my hunger until I get off the free wireless and head into town to find something to eat.

Why did I book a ticket to Spain? I don’t understand.


Photo: Timothy Barnes

Like a waterfall in slow motion, like a map with no ocean. There's a limit to your love.

Okay, so nobody is reading my blog anymore so I suppose my indecisiveness has bored everyone to tears; it is boring me to tears, almost literally. The problem is I don't have a passion. Before I left Australia my passion was going to Spain, planning for Spain, talking about Spain, blogging about..Spain. It's nice and easy to live with passion driving you, it's pretty much blind enthusiasm. Even if you want something which only exists in your head, at least you want something.

I'm in a pretty crappy place at the moment, not physically..well, having to pay for wireless in a hostel is pretty crap, but I was referring to my mental state. I have no idea where I want to go, what I want to do... NO IDEA. I have been looking around online for jobs in Scotland for the past week or so, but I'm not so sure I really want to work in a hotel changing peoples' dirty bed sheets. I've always wanted to work in a traditional pub, but I'm fairly sure the idea I have of the job is extremely romanticised; realistically it'd be hard work and bad pay. Oh listen to me complaining, goodbye few readers I still have. Pretty sure most of you are my uni friends anyway...stop just reading my damn blog for updates, write me an email, lousy loserfaces. Sorry..

Okay, well, my options are:

1. Stay in Scotland. Get a job in a hotel or a bar. Live here for 3-6 months.

2. Get a winter resort job in childcare from Nov-April.

3. Go back to Spain and get a teaching English job Sep-June.

4. Go back to Melbourne, live with my parents and sulk.

5. Become a gypsy and tell peoples' fortunes on the side of the Scottish highland roads.

Yeah, number 4. is just there to put things in perspective.

A friend from Cambridge is coming to visit today. I am probably going to scare him with my extreme happiness to have company. That'll be amusing.

Photo: Oezguer Albayrak

It's not about your make-up, or how you try to shape up to these tiresome paper dreams

When I left Australia I was obviously looking for something. An adventure I guess; yes, I definitely wanted an adventure, but I’d tried to plan it and if you try to plan an adventure it’s less an adventure and more..well, a plan. I said adventure four times in one sentence and plan three times. I am tempted to look up thesaurus for synonyms for ‘adventure’ and ‘plan’, but I’m just too lazy..idol..slothful….er, focus, Te. I was trying to say that I’m actually having an adventure now because I have thrown planning to the wind. Worst comes to worst, I run out of money and beg the parentals for a one-way ticket home. Considering how much I want to stay in Europe I will try my best not to let myself get to that stage. So the next stage of the adventure is finding somewhere to live and a job. I am staying in Edinburgh.

When I arrived in the city I got the elevator up from my train platform, the elevator announcement said ‘Doors opening. Please stay calm’ I’m not entirely sure why we were meant to be panicking, but everyone in the elevator burst out laughing. Welcome to Edinburgh. There’s something about this city that tells me that I could come to love it as much as I love Melbourne; which would be superb, since I have been told my evil plan to move Melbourne to Europe isn’t feasible…killjoys!

The past few days I have been wandering around the city, getting lost, taking photos, and getting a feel for the different areas. I have narrowed it down to a few areas I’d like to live in, but I have heard there’s more chance of a Scottish person giving you money than finding a decent flat this time of year. Oh, should I not be making jokes about the Scottish? Hey, they can make as many kangaroo comments as they like.

AUSTRALIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

My photos of Edinburgh

But it's just the price I pay, destiny is calling me..

I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. Here I am in a new country, again. Where I know nobody, again. No job lined up, again! Why do I keep doing this to myself? In the 7 weeks since I was in this position last I seem to have forgotten how lost it makes me feel. I am already idealising my time in Cambridge, suddenly the students were all little angels, the weather was perfect, the work was easy and my workmates and I were all BFFs.

So who has tips for Edinburgh? I am sitting in my hostel, drinking a beer and feeling sorry for myself. I’ve only been here a day but I’m stressed about the lack of a job. I’m just going to pretend that I am not myself, I am someone else, and I am giving advice to this someone else. I’d say ‘stop your complaining and do something to help yourself, put down the crisps and the half pint of Stella and photocopy your CV'. I used to be the Queen of Plans. Making plans are easy it seems, but sticking to them once you realise things aren’t how you expected them to be is more difficult. I mean, what the hell happened to Spain? I’m justifying it to myself by saying I’ll take Spanish classes here in Edinburgh, but it’s not really the same thing now, is it?

I walked to Arthur's seat today. I love that place. I wrote my name on a rock, just a random rock at the top of a hill thing I climed up (in my thongs). I feel guilty about writing on a rock now.

Why am I listening to the Killers? I don't even like them. Now would be the time for a sign….waiting for a sign….

Photo: Oezguer Albayrak